I am pretty "bad" at Lent. When my friend Jessica still lived here (before she became a nun), it was easy. She kept me in check. Not in a bad way, in a way that I needed. I'm sure she hardly realized she did so. When she joined the sisters, I was left on my own, a newish convert, who barely knew anyone and certainly didn't have many Catholic friends.
Our first Lent after our baptism was the best time of my life spiritually. I was going through a hard time in life. But, I only had one baby then, so it was easier to be really active and stay on track that year. Jessica and I went to mass, Stations of the Cross, and the fish fries together. After the fish fry, we'd come home and watch a movie about Christ or a saint.
We also both did the Consecration and went to confession regularly.
It was awesome.
After she left and I was on my own, nothing has even gotten close to that.
As for this year, I'm struggling. It's Ash Wednesday. I will honestly say that I don't want to go to mass. Not because I don't want to go, but I've had to wrangle kids in mass alone far too many times in the past few weeks, and I'm burnt out. I already missed mass at Amelia's school this morning, because I didn't want to drive over there 3 times in one day and the baby has been cranky this morning. Now I don't know where to go anyway. I'm not going to make excuses, I just don't feel up to it.
I would, if I were feeling better mentally. Last weekend took a toll on me emotionally. I've been here before; at my wit's end, desperate to get out of here, to have my own home, to be comfortable. The only thing that will get me through is prayer. The only thing that will get me through is Lent.
Jesus will get me through, I know that. But it still hurts, and it's still a battle that I'm sick of fighting.
So, I'm renewing my consecration. I intended to do so anyway, and then realized that lots of other people are too, because we can start TODAY and it will land on a Marian feast day, thanks to the Leap Year, and a really early Lent. It's a once in a lifetime opportunity, and I'm really excited. I need this.
I'm still begging you all to pray for me.