Well, I am struggling. I truly feel that God has called us to adopt the child we love, but I am not a patient person. (All of you who know me are shouting, "NO WAY!!" I'm sure ;) And I am not sure how it will all unfold. I am begging at the feet of Christ for Him to reveal it to me. I know that's not how I'm supposed to be praying, but I can't help it.
I have a sense of urgency when it comes to this boy. I feel like someone stole him from me and threw him into an orphanage across the world. Is it a normal feeling? No. I feel like my child has been kidnapped. He sits alone and is bored out of his mind. I can't handle it.
Now, I'm not claiming him as my own. Anyone is welcome to rescue him if I don't get to him first. I will know that I have been hearing the call all wrong if that happens, and I will be okay with that. but even the agency said that it's very unlikely anyone will commit.
"One Step at a Time" is becoming my mantra. We are still house hunting and we have to take that step before the next step, I think. The agency wants us to commit first and then move before the homestudy, since it will take time to get our paperwork together for that anyway, she says we have ample time. I'm leaning towards thinking she just wants the moolah and that sweetie off her list. (They LOVE him, too.) But, I'm torn. I'm wondering if maybe God is asking us to do exactly that, and we're failing to listen. I am begging for that to become clear, because I am not good at subtleties.
I need to remember that when I first saw his face, I thought that there was no way on God's green Earth would we be able to adopt anytime soon... like probably not within 10 yrs or so, lol... but things changed. And they changed fast.
Give me my "steps", oh Lord. I will follow them. I will do whatever is asked of me.