Wednesday, March 6, 2013

Pouring my Heart out

This week has been a rough on the adoption roller coaster. I want to put this all out there so that you all can understand what is going on with us.

News coming out of Nico's country does not look good. Even families who have met their kids are thus far not being allowed to continue. We are not even registered in his country yet, so I feel like we have to be done.

This breaks my heart in so many ways. We prayed for months about this, took the leap, and then all of this happened. I was told he was my son. That I was to stop being afraid and do it. But then sin prevailed in his country and he was used as a pawn. I'm not sure what else I can do.

We have 14 months until our homestudy expires, but waiting is getting to me. Patience is a virtue, yes, but how long do you hold on when your life needs to go on?

I love Nico with every fiber of my being. No matter what, we will still pray for him, and love him, and if in the future his country reopens and we can finally rush to him, we will.

We have not made any definitive choices yet. We are confused and heartbroken and scared and we are seeking council from our pastor.

I feel like we were so blessed with a supportive "Team Nico" that I fear that if we switch countries we will lose all of that.

Pray for us. For clarity. We need to know our path, what God is asking of us. Pray always for sweet Nico.


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19 comments:

  1. I am supportive of you no matter what you decide. I think your family is heroic, and I am so proud to be "know" you.

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    1. You made me cry. We are not heroes. We are doing what we feel is right. Which always ends up being the hardest thing EVER. Hugs.

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  2. We will support you and your family no matter what you decide. My heart breaks for Nico and his peers.

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  3. What a tough and confusing road for you and your family. I find your faith in this journey to be very courageous and inspirational! I see a lifetime movie in your future.

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    1. LOL! That would be one crazy movie...

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  4. I hope you know you have our love and support no matter what you decide! God has His hand on this-be not afraid! xoxo -Amy

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  5. Well each child should have a team! We had team "Kate". My team was the British family that did amazingly good fundraisers. I am forever thankful. But, where Nico is now- he is being held hostage by his own country. This is no kind of government in my opinion. I am on Team Kara. (You had ME at Catholic) Prayers and hugs!

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  6. Hard to believe a nation could use innocent children as pawns, and yet there is so much evil in this fallen world. So sorry for your pain, and I will pray for clarity on what to do from here...

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  7. I really admire what you are allowing God to do through you. It is very comforting to know that in this crazy world we live in there are people like you.

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  8. Oh, sweetie, my heart is breaking. I love you guys so much and wish there was a way I could make this better or easier on you. We are backing you up, whatever you decide to do. My gosh, I wish I could fly back out there and hug all of you.

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  9. Proud of your bravery--no matter what you choose! You do and will have my support and care.

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  10. Kara, you will always have "Team Nico" behind you, because there are thousands of Nico's out there who need families! And if you decide adoption is not the right path right now, or that you'll wait until Nico is available again, that is okay too :-). You have always been such an incredible voice for these kids-you have already touched so many lives by choosing Nico and letting the world know about him and all the others. I pray you will find peace in whatever you decide, or don't decide, to do. Still hoping I can make it down to your neck of the woods one day! I've been thinking about you a lot. ((Hugs))

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  11. We are team Nico, team orphan, team McIntee and team Jesus! We are all standing behind you and lifting you in prayer. (((LOVE)))

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  12. My heart goes out to you. It is not easy to walk away from a child you thought would be your son or daughter. It has happened to us several times and I will tell you it was painful but we made it through by the grace of God. You will get to the child that was meant to be in your family if it is God's will. Trust in Him.

    I will be praying for Nico and all the children who deserve a family. May God be with you.

    Margy

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  13. Oh, sweet Nico. I was so happy when I saw him on MFFM. It's so unfair. I pray for him day and night.
    Stand strong:) I pray for your strength and that God leads you down the right path. God bless

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  14. It's hard to know what to do and I can't imagine having the two choices in front of me.

    I will admit to some recoil when I heard families were "de-committing" and pursuing other countries and children. But it seems to be the only way right now unless you have scads of money to pursue and many do not have that luxury:)

    You might not be able to free Nico right now. But I think it very noble and perfectly understandable to move forward and save a child if you can. I hope you pursue an adoption no matter who it will be.

    Praying for strentgh and clarity to make these hard decisions!

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    1. It's not the money in this case, it's constant bad news out of his country. We can't live in limbo forever. We have no options, because we haven't met him we have no legal ground to do anything. Nico will be ours in our hearts forever, but he probably won't get to come home.

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"If you can't say somethin' nice... don't say nothin' at all..." ~Thumper