Sunday, February 19, 2012

Just when I thought...

I was going to have a good/uneventful birthday, my grandpa ruins it.

They came down yesterday to take me to lunch. Apparently grandpa got pissed because Kyle hadn't cleaned something up outside that he was supposed to. So he sits at the restaurant, arms crossed, totally silent, until I order an iced tea. Then he says, "you know that drink costs $2? Can you afford a $2 iced tea?" Then he gets up and stomps off.

Okay seriously? You invited me to lunch to celebrate my birthday and I can't even have the drink I want? Pardon me for not wanting to drink city tap water with my meal.

Also, ever heard of "stuffing" your emotions? Was it truly not possible to at least pretend you're happy for the sake of my birthday?

Was it really necessary to then come over after lunch and give me lectures? It couldn't have waited for another day?

Apparently I am not deserving of a good birthday. Apparently I'm such a horrible failure that I don't even deserve and iced tea at my own birthday lunch. Apparently I have "abuse me" written across my forehead.

I need prayers. I am feeling hopeless. Kyle and I have been actively trying to buy a home and get him a better paying job for years. We have been paying down debt, figuring out budgets that work for us, struggling, and nothing is changing. Something always happens just when I think I'm almost there. Just when I think I see the light at the end of the tunnel, it all comes crashing down.

We need Kyle to get a full time position. We need to be able to buy a home or at least be able to afford to rent something so we can get out of here. I have seen homes for $86k in the area I like, so we just need a way to do it. I need to get away from these people in my life that obviously are only going to treat me like crap.

So, please, I beg of you all, pray. Pray hard. I need it. I'm drowning. My faith is suffering, I spent all day yesterday crying, and I'm just at a loss.

Lord Jesus, I know you only give us what we can handle, but truly, I cannot handle more. I have lived 31 years and it has been horrible. I'm tired of being abused. Abused as a child, and now emotionally as an adult. I give it to you. Give me the ability to handle stress with grace. Please open doors for us. Please help us succeed. Please get me away from this evil. I beg of you. Amen


  1. Praying hard... and your grandpa is a controlling jerk. Next time your family invites you to dinner, decline.

  2. Oh, honey! I will be praying. That is just truly awful. Truly. I am so sorry. I have a feeling this Lent will be fruitful for you. You have come such a long way. Just hang on, the Lord is with you! I promise!

  3. Thank you ladies. I know the only way I'm going to be able to get through this is through prayer. I am so thankful for you guys, you don't even know.

    And Leila, about Lent, I sure hope so...

  4. This reminds me of the time a relative took me out for my birthday. She criticized me. Only the names of changed.

    Everyone knows that the birthday girl gets to drink whatever she wants on her birthday.

    Be kind to yourself.

  5. Oh my have I been there. It's aweful! I'm so sorry! JoAnna is right, next time they offer, decline. I've begun to do that with certain people and it makes life so much more peaceful!

    Prayers for you! I'll add you to my labor prayer list and offer up some of my contractions for you in the next few weeks.

  6. Thank you for the prayers!! Hope you have a wonderful birth experience!

    I will definitely avoiding in the future. Especially once we've moved to our own place.

  7. Oh Kara. I so wish I had money to move you here. There are tons of jobs around here that Kyle could get that are full-time. *hugs*

  8. I wish we could move, Phronsie, but I just don't feel comfortable doing so. I wish I did. Kyle hates it here and I don't like it much either but it's what I'm used to.

  9. I'm so sorry, Kara, I had no idea you were going through so much. :( I will definitely be keeping you in my prayers.

  10. Thank you, Sonja. It's nothing new, it's just hard to deal with sometimes.


"If you can't say somethin' nice... don't say nothin' at all..." ~Thumper